Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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