Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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