Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm both gender and math confused
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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