you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
