Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
