Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
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Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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