Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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