I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
