I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
