toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
