allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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