What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
