She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
