just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
