I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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