Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
