i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
