i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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