I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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