somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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