I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
