??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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