do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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