I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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