if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
