just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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