Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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