he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
