i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
