Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
