I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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