It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
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I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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