If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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