It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
