I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
