$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
