i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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