I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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