the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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