True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
