where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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