I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
