just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I need to calm my uterus...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize