Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
