My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
