I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
