If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I should be sponsored by Trojan
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
