i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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