Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
