i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
