She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
