i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize