Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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