I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
