my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
