theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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