There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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