Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
