Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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