Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
