WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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