I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
