you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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