He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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