How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
