I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
